mmm...ahhhh...haaaaa

Sorry to disappoint u all with the misleading title XD

I'm extremely apologetic to my dear blog to whom I have been indifferent recently. But really, there will always come a time when there are more interesting things to do, so i don't really care =P Recently, I've been fixated on my computer for almost the entire day watching the seemingly endless episodes of Friends, and at the same time learning a thing or two about humor, only to realise that those lines aren't exactly applicable in real life situations, with the exception of really close friends who are of the same frequency, or a couple happily attached. I don't suppose when you happen to buy a drink and ask your friends whether they'd like one, only to be overwhelmed by the amount of requests, you'd say 'okay okay i was just being polite' casually. XD that would shatter even the cold-hearted. Nevertheless, there could never be another comedy series that tickled my funny bone so much my stomach actually hurts after an hour or so. I regret not buying the complete series earlier, but better late than never =)'better safe than sorry' doesn't really apply here dudes.

It is somewhat heartwarming that the number of philanthropists is proportionate to the increasing number of millionaires in modern day. An example would be the ever gracious bill gates who will not hesitate to help the needy given the riches at his disposal. 0.1% of his wealth in notes could kill even the strongest man alive. Yet, that is not why i brought up this issue. Philanthropists are usually portrayed as generous and sincere people...but(here we go)i bet every dime i have that it's just an ostensible act to conceal the relatively more unsightly ones. If that's not the issue, then they're just putting up a facade to raise their respectability (yes...some ppl can't earn it, so they buy it). Until today, there has never been a philanthropist who donated half or more of his wealth to charity, so herein lies the 'I can help you get richer, healthier and stronger, but I'll never let you rise beyond myself' kind of mentality that i assume MOST of us possess. And when the recipients are eventually emancipated from former disasters and could potentially pose a threat, the giving ceases. It is akin to learning Kungfu from a Jackie Chan. I'm sure he'll teach all the basics, but he definitely wouldn't teach you to kick the other guy in the man balls if you were losing because that's he's ultimate under-the-belt move and you'd win fights hands down all the time. Still, let's not discount the fact that there remains a glimmer of hope that regular people actually care about others as can be seen from various charitable activities going on in poverty stricken areas like zimbabwe and east timor. Haha so now we can only hope, that somehow hoping to change our ways will change our ways in the midst of hopelessness. Remember, Jackie Chan...MAN BALLS! Likely? U decide...

Confession: Father I have sinned, I lied about the betting.

Quote: 'Free thinker' is just a camouflage for the non-believer.

'I'm sorry?'

No offense to my catholic friends, but why is the Pope going around the world apologising for child molesters, gay priests and rapists? Not that he's helping in anyway to alleviate the victims' troubles. Sure, we are all far from perfection, and most deserve a second chance, yet if a mere apology heals all, then police forces will not be necessary, crime would be rampant, but all is jolly with a meager 'sorry'. In my eyes, the pope is not above mortal men, and should not be acting as though he is. Let the criminals pay for their sins, and pay dearly.

hehehe

Ching Chong Chinaman couldn't sit,
Ching Chong Chinaman couldn't sleep;
Ching Chong Chinaman milked a cow,
But Ching Chong Chinaman squeezed the wrong tits,
And ended with his face full of shit.

It's a thrill to see egos speaking, esp when they did squeeze the wrong tits, metaphorically speaking of course. I feel your pain, Chingy, but do you get my drift?

Regards,
My Ego.

Sample of A Resignation Letter

This is a sample letter of resignation from an employee of a computer firm:

Dear Mr. Ding,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything i do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because i know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watched you vainly attempt to understand the concept of 'cut and paste' for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers, Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try to explain it to you, even though i am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will have.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp-dressed useless look about you that may have worked for you interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover got your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation. However, I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is 'I prefer not to comment.' I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because i know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I will know every password you have used for the last five years. If u decide to get cute, I am going to publish your 'favourite list' which i conveniently saved when you conveniently made me 'back up' your useless files. I do believe that terms like 'Lolita' are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to 'take pictures of your mother's birthday', you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but i assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; i hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and i expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 800am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fool with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
Sukhdeep M.B

--end--



note: don't u just love first names?

Untitled(Episode 2)

'Yesterday's dinner was sumptuous, today's was simply scrumptious. Maybe my mother should consider setting up her very own cina cuisine. For that, and many other reasons, she'll always be someone dear to me.' Therefore we should all appreciate the love and lessons that all mothers have selflessly showered upon us; we should embrace them with our love and be their living legacy; and we definitely SHOULD stop preaching ideals that we think are pertinent to others' lives, be it now or the future, for the simple reason that it just isn't our business to do so.

As much i find some blogs reflective of perceptive individuals, I scowl at the writings of the shallow, despise the naivete of the childish and resent the implication that i might one day have to deal with these people whether i like it or not. The world is already overwhelmed by skeptics, and I don't need any more of them to doubt me. Oh yes, back to the main point about blogging, I like personal posts, but affinity for the writer's character is not a necessity. We all love to throw around big words like 'honour' 'promise' 'love' 'responsibility' and many more of similar nature, because they make us look good. People profess to love their mothers on mother's day, but why accumulate all that love for just one day when one can love them everyday; that is of course, if one really loves them. If one feels guilty of being involved in a charitable cause, because one knows that he doesn't really care about god forsaken people, then spare others the agony of having to work with one's sorry ass, and after that...please, shut that trap up =). That's not all, they slate their friends' for expressing opinions about certain issues and challenge others to transcend when they are incapable of such feats. They lampoon others for actions that they consider unethical. Seriously, who the hell do these people think they are? What's more ludicrous is that all too often, these self righteous people are the very perpetrators of the acts which they deem sordid. Suck it up, biatch(s)!

On a lighter note, i went to my buddy's cookout several days ago and completely enjoyed myself. It wasn't just the delectable food that excited me, but also the company that really got me ticking. Oh, i also found a new friend there(he's actually my buddy's nephew), and he's so adorable!

Yao Han meets Justin

If i have a kid next time, i would want him to be as cute as yao han. Damn, that'll mean that he can only get his looks from his mom. I'm hopeless.

U da man!

The battle to survive is ceaseless for all living beings, of course with the exception of those who have already departed. Then again, maybe the fight for survival resumes again in the afterworld, no one can be sure. Anyway yea, every single one of us are in built with the instinct to survive, even adorable little aquatic pets that have been condemned to life in a four sided tank, and it's certainly not because fishes and fish tanks signed a contract that stipulates 'till death do we part'. Man, and the lives we are willing to sacrifice for selfish reasons.

During the last few days, my three aquatic darlings have contracted a tail rotting disease as a result of my procrastination in not washing the tank frequently enough. At first i stared at their wounds in disbelief, thinking that a cat, bird or monkey could have been the culprit (people never seem to ascribe blame to themselves, but what are fingers for then?), so i separated out the one with the most wounds into a tank with clean filtered water and silently thought about how i should assassinate the culprit. Miraculously, Mr. fish no.1 recovered in a day and was swimming naturally, the only setback was that the tail never quite grew back just yet. Still, i was happy enough. Then as i looked up at the big tank, my heart sank, Mr. Fish no.2 was floating motionlessly on the water. Damn. I tried to perform cpr on him, but his eyes were pearl white and i just knew he was long gone. =( fishes come and go, but memories last forever?



okay Ms. Fish no.3 had the big tank all to herself for two whole days. She seemed satisfied to have things the way they were until...white discharge was all over her luscious body and she swam with a limp. It spelt disaster. I relocated her to another tank of clean water, added a few drops and medication and pinches of salt. Today, she looked well, but like Mr. Fish no.1 , her tail was slightly disfigured. Hopefully, they will pull through this catastrophic period. Still, I salute their will to live and passion to successfully recover. Maybe we all can learn a thing or two from pets too, well just don't wait till your ass starts rotting before scrambling for cure. Preemptive action makes a world of difference, but we never seem to learn, do we?

Pics of my warriors =)

Ms. Fish no.3


Mr. Fish no.1


Little warriors

Potential! Can't u tell?

This is how you shower love on your stomach

Hello Dinner!

Hello Dinner, again!

and again!

having the weekday blues

Life is always such a moron when u least expect it to be, especially when there's nothing much to do, and your mind runs wild like a convict who escaped from prison. I realised there is more to life than winning or losing: to win gracefully, to win like a loser, to lose like a winner and to lose ingloriously. Though it is a mere extension of the well known 'win or lose' concept, we often fail to realize them and let the end justify our means. More often than not, when we win at the expense of others, we feel proud of ourselves. Outrageous i say! But that is the way of life, and that's how we're supposed to live it. Because if we do not conform to these social rules, the only thing we stand to lose is our self worth, dignity and pride. Not so surprisingly, the three most valuable values to us are usually the root of our problems, because we are often too proud to give in, too weak to resist and too blind to see.

On another note, I am displeased by people who do not respond promptly, be it in virtual, or face-to-face communication. Like it or not, it only reflects the friendship hierarchy with glaring clarity. The later people respond, the less important their friends are in their social circle. In the event where you are occupied with something, at least have the courtesy of informing, and not take others for granted. If there is a legitimate reason for not being able to reply, fair enough, then let the other person know, I'm sure we'd all understand. Imagine having been treated the same way for lengthy periods of time, and suddenly having a favor being asked of you by that friend who neglected you. Having second thoughts about helping? Good, it shows you're human too. So, you claim to be busy, but what's the big deal anyway? Isn't there always a tomorrow? Any relationship is a two way exchange, and if there seems to be only one way traffic, then its not worth cherishing, much less having at all.

So.......

Blissful Marriage

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was,

"Yes, Lollipop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses... "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie h?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.

"But my sweet honey...at the bar....you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? ....

"LISTEN UP D*CKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F*CK UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR F*CKIN' HORS D'OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A F*CKIN' BAR! THAT SH*IT IS OVER...GOT IT, AS*HOLE?"

And, they lived happily ever after.

P.S: thank u Karina!

A day well spent

Yesterday was one of the most hectic days of my seemingly interminable holiday: Had my visa done and then went out with a good friend from primary sch days. She was as lovely as always, and I, drab as usual. It was 3 whole years since we last met, thankfully we still have some chemistry. I spent half the time entertaining myself rather than her, and realised how much i sucked at foosball(or is it fusball furryballs) and pool. It was embarassing how badly I played, but that was about all that was unpleasant. Clean cool fun was the name of the game and i really enjoyed most of it, especially the mocking part. XD

Anyway, I forgot to mention that I had to deal with two faggots in one day. One while applying for visa, and the other who managed a cosmetic shop. I can just imagine them singing in the shower everyday at the top of their voices, using the showerheads as their microphones, going 'I'm NOT a MAN, not YET a WOMAN... All I need is time, to find a hole that's mine...' and so the story goes(don't u love britney spears for giving me the idea). Freaks of nature. Even if there are only 2 men(me and some random guy) left in the world, I wouldn't even think of touching the other guy. YUCK. Piss off homos!