Sample of A Resignation Letter

This is a sample letter of resignation from an employee of a computer firm:

Dear Mr. Ding,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything i do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because i know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watched you vainly attempt to understand the concept of 'cut and paste' for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers, Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try to explain it to you, even though i am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will have.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp-dressed useless look about you that may have worked for you interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover got your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation. However, I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is 'I prefer not to comment.' I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because i know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I will know every password you have used for the last five years. If u decide to get cute, I am going to publish your 'favourite list' which i conveniently saved when you conveniently made me 'back up' your useless files. I do believe that terms like 'Lolita' are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to 'take pictures of your mother's birthday', you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but i assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; i hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and i expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 800am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fool with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
Sukhdeep M.B

--end--



note: don't u just love first names?